A night in my sleepless-ish life

I need sleep. It's true, I need sleep, as much sleep as I can get. Which happens to not be much. 

My two older kids both slept through the night at 3 months old. They both slept from 8 pm until 4-5 am which was right at the time I had to get up to get ready for work. It was awesome! So, naturally, I assumed the same from Miss Charlie girl. No can do, says Charlie. Here we are at 7 months still waking and fussing all night. I've given in to the pacifier. Which has worked WONDERS. But she still wakes and needs a helping hand putting it back in her mouth. And then there's Mr. Ben...Ohhh Mr. Ben, you are loved for sure. Ben has been waking up between 2 and 4 am to sleep with me. This normally would not be a problem, however, at this point he has already gone pee and not in the toilet. So, sometimes, I get up, change him, change the blankets and sit next to him until I think he is asleep. Then he continues to come back toward my room and we repeat the sit and wait a couple times. Some may be wondering where my husband is. Well,eventually my husband gets up sends him to his room and Ben is never heard from again. But poor Ben I think, then I quickly remember I'm tired so I try to close my eyes, just in time for my alarm to go off. Ugh! I need sleep!

Oh and just to add to the fun, I'll be on a 24 hour duty on Thursday. 

They definitely don't want you sleeping there. 

This is my unamused, still needing sleep look. 

Always the hardest part...The Title

Writing is an outlet for me. It's an opportunity to form my words and change my words without "saying" something that could leave someone upset at something misspoken. I love to write. I've written in multiple fashions but it seems the title is always where I find myself stuck. WHAT?!?! I have to name my words? Ha! Not likely. These words can not be tamed or summarized.

In any case. Now that we've learned that my titles will not be sufficient and solely added for the purpose of publishing a post, let's move on. If you've looked around you'll find my posting is sporadic at best, I've decided to attempt to write a bit more frequently because I have a lot going on right now and, as we've already covered, writing is an outlet for me.

Not much has changed in my life. I've added a kid, so that's cool. We live in Alaska now, per my awesome job. My husband had to settle for his Associate of Arts degree in Graphic Design also per my job. Yay, him. On a related note, anyone need a freelancing graphic designer? He's all kinds of awesome. The kids are a chip off the old block, awesome. Ady, Ben and Charlie light up my world. Which, if you are familiar with the Anchorage, Alaska area you already know, will come in handy in the winter months.

We'll move on with specifics later, but until then, whats going on in your life? Let's get interactive.

Life gets tough

It's been pretty crazy around here lately but this song has really been helping me through a lot. 

Now this is where you really gotta belt it out...

Just say JESUS!!! He knows your heart and everything that concerns you. He wants wants to love you and pick up all your pieces. Just call out His name. 

A Stunningly Shallow Woman

All my life I've wanted and longed to be stunning. I wanted to be the girl or woman that caught every eye as she walked into the room. I prayed God would just immensely bless me and make me physically irresistible. How shallow, right? Yep, that's probably why I'm not. And it sucks. Not that I'm not pretty. I admire the body and beauty my God has blessed me with. I even catch a glimpse of that shallow, stunningly gorgeous woman from time to time. God has a sense of humor. What sucks is that I want it so bad that it is ruining my life. Chasing my loved ones away and eatin away at my soul. The devil knows this is a weak spot for me so he nags and belittles and reminds me of my mediocre beauty. Even as my husband, the one person who should think the world of me, compliments me, I counter with degrading thoughts. 

I am not enough of a beautiful woman, right? I am not pretty enough. I am not tall enough. Not short enough. I do not have enough curves. I do not have skin that is smooth enough. You catch my drift. 

Ady Just Said...

"Don't you know you have to go McDonalds to get a toy?!?!"

This was said after getting Jack in the Box for dinner and discovering...gasp...only food in her children's meal.

Guess it's time to step up your game Jack in the Box...

We found it...The perfect diaper

My husband and I, oh who am I kidding, *I* have been buying cloth diapers since 2010. It doesn't seem that long but I probably averaged 5 diapers a month if not more. My husband hated this. He wanted to buy a bunch of one kind of diaper and stick with it.

Well ladies and gents, it seems we have found it...THE PERFECT DIAPER.

We are both in agreement that the TotsBots EasyFit diaper is by far the most perfect diaper on the market. It is so much easier than a disposable too! I love the velcro version. I bought one in a small boutique in North Carolina in 2010 and that is probably the only diaper that has not given my any trouble to date. The manufacturing of it is superb. I only wish it was manufactured in the US because, of course, I am, as you know, American! But other than that flaw it has none! I love that you can stuff the diaper with more cloth if you need a more absorbant diaper and when you wash it the insert doesn't go flying away.

Best diaper ever! Any questions?

I can't remember the last time I...

I can't remember the last time I took a shower with out being watched by a 2 year old.
Showering today my 2 year old stood in between the clear plastic curtain and the show-off fabric curtain watching me, trying to convince me to let her get in with me.
It was my own fault, I told her she could come upstairs. But it got me thinking, I couldn't remember the last time I showered with out her beautiful eyes taking me in. She is so curious and intent on not letting me out of her sight.
Then again, my husband gives her baths every night, essentially watching her as she "bathes" so maybe she thinks it is common practice to ensure a bather is being watched while they get clean.

Mother's Day Essay Contest (A little late, but wanted to share)

I have been a mother for almost 2 years now. My daughter was born on May 9th, the day before Mother's Day in 2009. She was late, all I could say was she better not be born on my anniversary, May 8th, selfish me. I recently entered another contest asking when motherhood begins. For me it was the moment I finally let go of myself and accepted everything I didn't want to accept about my beautiful little baby. A little back story, I wanted a boy, they said I was having a girl, I wanted her to come early, she came a week late, I wanted to be gushed over, the midwives dutifully took my vitals, asked if I had questions and sent me on my way. Then she was born, we had a name, I had a baby, but it wasn't real yet. I didn't feel like I really wanted her. My mom looked happier than me, but it's my baby. Then it hits me, a wave of emotions that still make me cry to this day. Years ago, after giving birth to a healthy boy and years before my time, my mom got pregnant again. She knew she was going to have a girl. She named her girl. She was already a mom from her first son, but this girl was the icing so to speak. Then, weeks later, on a toilet, on Mothers Day she miscarries. Unable to flush, unable to let go of her little girl for a good while. For years she resented Mother's Day. She would smile politely as the five of us brought her breakfast in bed, eat some and then usher us out so she could mourn her first lost, her first girl. Now, here at the hospital, my mom's oldest living daughter, has given her back joy for Mother's Day. I have joined the ranks of motherhood. I am grateful and appreciative of the gift that God has blessed my entire family with and that is the birth of my daughter. I am her mother. I was her mother the second my husbands little swimmer made it to my egg. But I didn't really accept it until I realized the victory that I had attained by carrying this beautiful baby girl for 41 weeks and presenting her to my mom. My first mothers day was less than 48 hours after giving birth. And it was the best Mother's Day ever, because this was the weekend that I became a mom and finally knew what my mom felt in her attachment to her first baby girl. And now my baby girl has forever changed Mother's Day back to a day of gratitude for my mom. Atleast I like to think so.
All that to say this, Motherhood for me really began in the realization that a woman is a woman until she accepts everything that comes with the child that she is carrying or bears. Accepting possible loss, accepting gender, accepting due date and birth date differences and accepting the nasty goopiness of fresh newborn. Motherhood, has changed me in ways that I could never have imagined years ago. I am less self centered. I am more, patient. I am independent, but happily tied down. I watch passers by more carefully than I did on my first deployment to Iraq. Motherhood has made me and continues to make me. My husband deployed 3 months after our daughter was born and I continued to work and care for her. I couldn't tell you how many times I cried. Or how many hardships we had through out that year. But every time I considered breaking down or giving up, I knew I couldn't, I was in the middle of the most important 24/7 job of my life, Motherhood.

Impromptu Review: Simple Wishes Pumping Bra

Recently I won a Simple Wishes Hands Free Pumping Bra from a facebook giveaway. I was so thrilled because I pump EVERYDAY and have been pining for a handsfree pumping bra for months! I work full time and pump a minimum of 3 times a day, if not 4-7 times. Sometimes I have 24 hour duty so I am away from my baby the whole time and need to pump every feeding. I also pump extra milk every morning just in case I ever have to leave my little man for an extended period of time. When I had to leave my daughter for 2 weeks I left a FULL deep freezers worth of milk and returned to about 20 bags...when I left there were well over 100 bags. It was crazy to see an empty freezer.
Anyway, back to this phenomenal pumping bra. When the box came I was in the middle of making dinner and was so thrilled to open it. I was tempted to pump a little bit after I put my little man to bed just to try it out :) But I refrained. Inside the box was the bra (I chose a SM/M black) with an extender panel and straps. I love this about this bra. I found that my most comfortable fit includes the extender panel. It is a 2" wide strip that zips into the front of the bra for those boobs that are a little more spaced out than others. The bra itself is essentially 3 pieces, but dont let this put you off. The back is an adjustable velcro closure to get the perfect fit. So each side can be moved on the back panel if you are a bit fuller or a bit smaller than usual. I have adjusted mine a few times to find that perfect fit. Practice makes perfect! It was so easy to use this bra. For a reference I have a Medela Freestyle Pump with the SoftFit breast shields.
 I literally took it out of the package, adjusted it to my size, zipped it up, inserted my pump cups and proceeded to fold clothes...while pumping! I was so liberated! Thank you Simple Wishes! I was so afraid that a hands free pumping bra would take as long to put on than it would to pump. Boy, was I wrong. This was so easy, I use it every time I pump now. This morning, I ate breakfast...while pumping. This afternoon, I typed...while pumping. So amazing!
One thing I did not do, after my 3rd time using my wonder bra I found that I was supposed to wash it before the first use. Whoops!
Washing it didn't affect the fit or comfortability of the bra. Also, I have found that the bra leaves small black fibers on my breastshields. This doesn't bother me because it doesn't seem to be getting on the inside and it could be because I use the Medela SoftFit breastshield. But it really is not a big deal and had I gotten a white bra I likely never would have noticed. I have included a few pictures to show how it fits and how easy it is to use.  Well, happy pumping and if you require hands free pumping, I would definitely suggest the Simple Wishes Hands Free Pumping Bra.
You can find them on Facebook and Twitter

I was trying to add a couple pictures but it doesn't seem to be working right now, so I will try again later.

Oh and P.S. I was not paid by Simple Wishes to write this, I just wanted to write about it, like I said, I won it on a Facebook giveaway contest they were having. Good products deserve good words said about them.

Jiffy Lube should do the world a favor and go out of business

I can not remember the last time I have been so frustrated with and appalled by a business' services. On a Monday I went to Jiffy Lube to get a routine oil change. It was great, I was in and out very quickly and while it did cost me 40 dollars I received a military discount, which not all businesses offer. I was pleased, until I was driving home in a hurry the next day trying to get my textbook for my class and get to school on time after leaving work later than I should have. On my way home I hear a rattling under the hood, so I returned to the last place my car was serviced, Jiffy Lube. On my way there my husband calls and says there is oil all over the garage and our daughter almost walked through and slipped in the oil. Thank goodness he stopped her before she did.
Furious and late I go to Jiffy Lube and explain the situation, they take my car, and minutes later are done. When I asked what in the world happened, it was explained that my 2007 Camry has an updated filter system. For those of you who don't know, when you change the oil, traditionally you would unscrew the oil cap and canister and replace the canister after draining all the oil and then refill the oil after you put the cap back on people, stay with me here. Well with my car it uses a filter that has a paper insert and the canister is reused, in my opinion this is a way of being more eco friendly, I LIKE :)
So I said how ridiculous that was and another representative starts saying how because it is new it was an honest mistake more or less. I cut him off, and went of on him/them. You have got to be freaking kidding me. First of all, it's a 2007, not a 2012 or some craziness. Second, you are an oil changing company! Learn the ropes before you try to change oil. I wish I had the time and energy to contact the franchise owner and let him know what kind of ridiculousness was going on.
So then I ask about the mess in my garage because my pregnant butt was not going to be cleaning up oil especially since it wasn't my fault. They handed me a can of stuff and I was on my way...really!?!?! Thanks Jiffy Lube, I hope to never deal with you again. My love called the store and told them they better send someone out because he wasn't doing it and I wasn't doing it so that left them :) I love when he fights back! So they sent some kid out and he cleaned it up. The only real satisfaction I got from the whole ordeal.
Bottom line, JIFFY LUBE CAN DIE A SLOW DEATH.